Ode to Daggerfall

If you asked most people what is the best Elder Scrolls game, they would probably say Morrowind. Well they are right, it is pretty much the best one. But the title of most ambitious Elder Scrolls game belongs to Daggerfall. This game came out on PC in 1996, and it blew my fucking mind.

Why, you ask? Well for starters, the game world is twice the size of Great Britain, measuring 487,000 square km. It features 15,000 towns and 750,000 NPC characters. How does that float your boat? For comparison, Morrowind's world was 26 square km and Oblivion's was 41. Woah.

It also had an awesome system where you could create your own spells and enchantments with different effects. You could buy your own house, a horse, a wagon, a freaking boat. You could join guilds, temples, summon monsters and even transform into a wereboar. It even had pixellated tits. Truly a masterwork of the 90's.

It was pretty easy to break the game in some ways though. Like loitering in a shop until it closed, then robbing the place because the shopkeeper left with you still inside. There were also banks that you could borrow money from. I'd just borrow the maximum amount of money in one town, then never return there again. Suckers! Most of the time though I'd just be a dick to the townspeople until the guards showed up to kill me, then I'd get on my enchanted flying horse and laugh as I flew into the sunset. I had way more fun being a jerk in this than any GTA game.

Was there a story in Daggerfall? Probably. I have no idea. Who wants to read reams of text when you can fight skeletons and light people on fire. Which reminds me, the manual that came with this game was like a fucking phone book. It was chock full of maps and stat charts for different stuff. I'd like to go back and try to play this game the right way some day, but something tells me it would end up like it always does. With a large naked man running around bludgeoning people with an enchanted flail.

Guardian Heroes HD

The best Saturn game ever, coming to XBLA this fall! YES YES, This is what I want!

I Have the Weirdest Boner Right Now

This is what Dante's Inferno should have been! Did I mention it's being made by Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil, Devil May Cry, God Hand), Suda51 (Killer 7, No More Heroes) and Akira Yamaoka (The Silent Hill series)?

If this game is anything other than pure, unfiltered WTF then I will shit a brick. Literally. June cannot come fast enough.

This pretty much sums up my feelings on the new Elder Scrolls game

May the Fourth Be With You

In honor of national Star Wars day (May 4th), let's take a minute to celebrate some of the freaking awesome Star Wars related games that have come out over the years. If I miss your favorite one, I apologize. Feel free to berate us in the comment section.

Honest Video Game Boxes Finale

More awesome true box art from the goons at Somethingawful.com

Gears 3 Tip-Stravaganza

If you're just getting into playing Gears online with the Gears 3 beta, then you might be having a hard time adjusting to the different style of gameplay. I know I sure was. I'm still a total hack, but my one redeeming quality is that I catch on pretty quickly. Here are some tips by a noob, for noobs.

1. Stay in a group - Seriously, always do this unless you know what you're doing. Gears is primarily a numbers game, even more so now that the rifles do damage. In a head to head fight, the side putting down more fire is almost always going to win.

2. Power weapons are important - Less so in Gears 3 than in the past, but it's still well worth studying the maps to know where each one is. Even if you suck at using them, at least go with a team mate and help them obtain one. Even keeping them out of the enemy's hands is worth it. Games can be won or lost by a guy with a boomshot or grenades tearing shit up.

3. Knowledge is power - Know where the power weapons are, know where your team mates are, and most importantly know where your enemy is. This will help you flank your enemies, and avoid getting flanked yourself. The element of surprise is a huge advantage in this game.

4. Know the shotgun. Love the shotgun - You might think the rifle is the most important weapon to master. WRONG! Nearly all close range encounters are decided by the venerable shotgun. You should be able to shoot from the hip, roll and fire, and blind fire around corners. Start with the gnasher to get the hang of it before trying the sawed-off.

5. Don't be a turd - I mean it, don't try to gank someone else's kill when they down an enemy. If there's a serious risk the enemy might get back up, then go for it. If they've got it under control, focus your attention elsewhere.

6. Know when to fold 'em - In a game where respawns are usually lengthy and/or limited, staying alive is a big priority. If you find yourself outnumbered, try to make a run for some team mates. Best case scenario, your team will cover you while you get to safety. Worst case scenario, the enemy is distracted sawing you into chunks and your team mates get a free kill.

7. Provide cover fire - This is much more useful in Gears 3. If you see a team mate rolling around exchanging shotgun fire with an enemy, take the opportunity to send a few bullets their way. You might distract the enemy just long enough or do enough damage that your team mate's next shot will kill them. You can earn a ton of assist exp this way.

8. Don't be a show-off - Executions and chainsaw kills are fun and satisfying, but they WILL get you killed more often than not. If you're behind cover and down an enemy it's almost always better to just finish them off with your rifle.