Monday, June 6, 2011

Xbox E3 Press Conference Impressions

Just figured I post some random thoughts on the Xbox press conference.

- Modern Warfare 3 aka MW2 with more explosions

- Deliverance + Mouse Trap + Bermuda Triangle = New Tomb Raider

- Aside from Mass Effects combat Kinect Voice integration seems superficial at best. And still looks stupid.

- Bing search engine is awesome, but only cause Microsoft doesn't know how to organize their menu system.

- New TV options look cool but we'll never see them in Canada

- If you liked the first two you'll like Gears 3

- Kinect exclusive games seem to have extremely limited gameplay. Great for kids but that's about it.

- Kinect Fun Labs who wants their avatar to look like them? Have you used the internet before?

-Gears 3, Forza 4, Fable Journey, Halo anniversary and Halo 4. I think Microsoft is running out of ideas. I know Nintendo does the same thing but they have a ton of established franchises Microsoft has 4. Make something NEW you tards!

Overall for someone like me this show was very disappointing. I'm sure there's a lot of fun kinect stuff for the kids but this show just further demonstrates how limited the technology is without a controller. I think there's something telling when you watch the Star Wars demo and the player has to speak to turn on the lightsaber while the Jedi onscreen just pushes a button.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Welcome...to Die!

New Dark Souls trailer MMMMMMMM Yeah


Fuck yes let me play this game right now I am so ready for it!!

Best Game on Each Console


In an effort to quell the arguing of fanboys (and girls) everywhere, I've compiled a list of the best game on each console. This is a definitive list, there is no room for debate. I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. Think of all the time this will save.

Atari 2600 - Space Invaders
NES - Super Mario 3
Sega Master System - Sonic the Hedgehog
Game Boy - Pokemon
SNES - Final Fantasy 3
Sega Genesis - Sonic 3
Game Gear - Sonic
TurboGrafx 16 - Blazing Lazers
Sega CD - Sonic CD
Neo Geo - Metal Slug 3
Atari Jaguar - Aliens vs Predator
3DO - Wing Commander 3
Phillips CD-i - Zelda Faces of Evil
Virtual Boy - Wario Land
Sega Saturn - Panzer Dragoon
Nintendo 64 - Zelda
Sony Playstation - Resident Evil 2
Sega Dreamcast - Ikaruga
Game Boy Advance - Advance Wars 2
Playstation 2 - Metal Gear Sold 3 Subsistence
Game Cube - Resident Evil 4
X-Box - Halo
Nokia N-Gage - Who cares
PSP - Monster Hunter Freedom Unite
Nintendo DS - The World Ends With You
X-Box 360 - Gears of War
Playstation 3 - Demon's Souls
Wii - Mario Galaxy
PC -Doom
3DS - ???

WTF Japan? - Consoles as Girls









Yet another bizarre fetish that I don't get. I guess this is what happens when you get old.... All I can say to this is:

Friday, June 3, 2011

Alas Poor X-Box!

I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred by my imagination it is!

So my 360 has stopped working. Well, that's not entirely true. Everything works except the ethernet port. So yes, it might as well be dead. I think it got fried by static electricity during the other night's fucking immense thunder storm.

I'm going to try to pick up a new one this weekend at Future Shop. In the meantime I'll be playing Infamous 2. It's a game about a guy who fries things with static electricity. Oh....so that's what irony is.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Good Deals at Future Shop


Bonjour fellow canooks, today I was flipping through the Futureshop flyer; as I am wont to do while eating my cinnamon toast crunch, and noticed some pretty good deals on games. So if you've been waiting for a sweet sale, this could be it! Only if you live in Canada though. Maybe in the USA also, how should I know?

Anyway, the deals.

$199 - 250 GB X-box 360 slim console

$50 - Halo Reach Legendary Edition, Mortal Kombat

$40 - Hot Pursuit, Red Dead Redemption (Comes with Undead Nightmare), Portal 2, Crysis 2, Dragon Age 2, Shift 2, Bulletstorm, Dead Space 2, Mavel vs Capcom 3, Wireless ps3 and 360 controllers

$30 - Modern Warfare 2 (whoop de doo!) and a bunch of shitty Kinect games

$20 - Assassin Creed Brotherhood, Forza 3, World at War (blah)

$10 - Enslaved, Bioshock 2 (Seriously you have literally no reason not to own these now)

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Dirt 3 Impressions


It's here! It's out! More Dirt! Wooop woop woop a doop! Am I a fan of this series? I guess so. Actually I am a fan of arcadey racing in general, and the Grid and Dirt games usually manage to scratch that particular itch where so many others miss the mark completely.

I haven't had a chance to beat the game yet, but I've played enough races that I am pretty sure what to expect. So I bet everyone's first question is, "How is the game, anyway?" Well I'm glad you asked! It's good. I mean, obviously. Critics have been pretty kind to Dirt 3, with review sites lining up around the block to ejaculate praise all over it. But I'm sure we've already seen those reviews. So let's move on and take a look at what works and what doesn't, in the eyes of a big fat racing noob.

First off, the career mode. I think you'll all be thrilled to hear that Dave Mirra and all the other X-Games jerk-offs are absent for the most part. You have a manager, and a mechanic and a couple miscellaneous cronies who yap at you between races. Thankfully though they keep quiet while you're actually driving. Ken Block is in the game, but only in Gymkhana events, and he doesn't say much.

Overall the career mode seems much more streamlined and less repetitive than Dirt 2, which is nice. However the prize money you earn is gone, replaced instead with reputation points. Pretty much all the management aspect of it is gone, with new cars and races just being unlocked every few levels. Managing your money was part of the fun in past games and I am sad to see it gone.

My biggest complaint is that it just feels a bit too streamlined. You spend all your time between races just picking your next event from a menu. It's not immersive at all, and the whole thing just feels sort of hollow. I miss the trailer and the crowds of spectators from Dirt 2.

Speaking of which, while the game might be more technically proficient, it somehow lacks the style and excitement of Dirt 2. Yeah, fireworks going off as you hit a jump was cheesy, but overall things just felt more energetic for some reason. The effects and the music just made the experience come alive and did a good job of capturing the excitement and spectacle of it all. I'm sure the change was intentional, as Dirt 3 really seems to strive to be a true successor to the Colin McRae Rally series instead of catering to the baseball cap wearing, energy drink chugging X-Games crowd.

To that end, the rally events take center stage this time. There is a much bigger selection of rally cars from the past and present. The tracks are varied and challenging, with snow and rain adding to the mix. Sadly there are only four locations to rally in. They do an admirable job of mixing up the track layouts, but I would have liked to see a bit more variety in the scenery.

The driving is as excellent as you'd expect, with a much improved handling model. I really have to give them credit for providing people so many options when it comes to tweaking difficulty. You can set the challenge level of the AI, then choose a preset level of assists or custom tweak your own. The best part is that the game is fully playable even without any assists. In many games, turning off options like traction control and ABS makes your car handle like a wild turkey. In Dirt 3 it handles just like you'd expect. Brake early, watch your back end, and you'll have no problems. Amazing!

One of the most surprising additions for me were the Gymkhana events. These involve knocking over barriers, swerving around poles and generally drifting around doing tricks. What surprised me most is that once you get the hang of them, they're actually....fun! Nowhere near the massive pain in the dick drift events were in Grid. They can still be annoying at times, but overall I was amazed how much I enjoy them.


So there you have it. Dirt 3 is a lot of fun, with enough variety to keep you busy online and off for a long time. It's definitely a step forward for the series, as well as a return to it's roots in some ways. This is for the better and worse, as I do find the campaign lacking in some of the ways that made Grid and Dirt 2 satisfying. It lacks a real sense of progression, with new events and sponsors seemingly being unlocked at random. Fortunately the racing is fun and challenging enough that it will keep you coming back over and over. And in the end, that's what counts I suppose.