Mad Men : The Video Game

How to Win at Dark Souls

How I Lost My Job at the Robot Factory

God, I am such an idiot! My job was so simple. I had one responsibility, and I completely dropped the ball! All I had to do was Ask the robots questions, and destroy any that displayed human feelings and self-awareness. Whose idea even was it to program them to cry? How was that possibly a good idea?! Two years of community college, all for nothing. My wife's gonna kill me...

iPhone/Pad/Pod/Scrod Game Round-up

Since there haven't been many console games that interest me in the last couple months, the bulk of my time has been spent on iOS games. Here are a few that I've been playing lately and my feelings about them.

Canabalt - A cool looking running platformer with one-touch controls. There really isn't anything to it besides seeing how far you can run before falling to your death. Even so, it's still great fun.

8 Bit Rally - I love the old-school look of this game, and the controls work fairly well but it's just not that fun. The car you start with is such a giant piece of shit and you have to spend a long time grinding to get a better one.

Peggle - I never will understand the appeal of this game. It's like pinball for morons.

Kingdom Rush - It's tower defense. Yep. Also you can summon dudes and drop fireballs, which actually makes it a little more like a regular RTS and a lot more fun.

#Sworcery - This game looks amazing but it feels like a chore to play. It's obtuse and frustrating. I could tolerate that if the game wasn't so fucking smug about it all the time.

Velocispider - A nice looking sort of Space Invaders rip-off with tilt controls. This game is awesome.

Groove - It's like Rez meets Elite Beat Agents and it's the best rhythm game on the iOS. Some better songs would make it absolutely perfect.

Where's My Water? - A really creative physics based puzzle game. I actually enjoy it more than Cut the Rope, which is saying something.

Bike Baron - It's sort of like Joe Danger meets Trials. While it might not really be as good as either of those, it's still quite fun.

Ski on Neon - This game was free but still good. Some of the later levels get pretty bullshit, but for some reason I can't stop playing it. Once you get in the zone you just can't stop.

Sonic CD - This seems like a really well-done port of a game I never played. The platforming is probably some of the best in the series, but the levels don't do much for me. There's nothing here as cool as Chemical Plant or Casino Night zone.

Systems Back Online

Hello to everyone (anyone?) who still checks this blog! It looks like for the moment my issue is resolved, after a few months of alternately trying to fix it and sitting on my ass doing nothing. All it required was deleting a few entries from the hosts file hidden deep within the bowels of my windows folder. What the fuck it had to do with anything, I'll never know.

Computers, man. They're alot like women... Nobody understands how they work, and they have a cd-rom drive. Ok, maybe that isn't a good analogy. Anyway the important thing is that we're back and we've got a few months of incoherent video game related bullshit stored up. Jaison, fetch my blogging pants!

Et Tu, Blogger?

Despite the best efforts on my part, blogger has decided we are no longer friends. No matter what I do I cannot log into my account from my PC. Seems like I've tried everything with no luck. My iPod, however can access it just fine. Which is where I am posting this from. Until I can work out a solution that doesn't involve chucking this huge piece of shit in the trash, or Jaison starts picking up the slack (haha yeah right!) you probably won't see much activity around here.

If anyone has dealt with this before please feel free to shoot me an email. Our address is on the sidebar. Thanks and Godspeed. My thumbs hurt.

Gary Oldman gives us some insights on Videogame voiceover