Killzone 3 Review

Last night I finished off Killzone 3 after a few play sessions. I guess for most people that isn't much of an accomplishment, but for this guy who has finished maybe a quarter of the games I own, it's a milestone...or something. It also speaks to the quality of the experience.

There are tons of KZ3 reviews on the intertrons, but I haven't read any of them so forgive me if I am treading familiar ground. In no particular order here are my thoughts about the game.

First off, the controls. They are excellent. I wanted to like KZ2 but part of what killed it for me was the shitty controls. This time around they give you tons of room to customize them to your liking. It might take some tweaking to find what works for you, but when you do it's great. This also applies to the Move controls.

I'd say if you're waiting for that one game that makes good use of the Move and you can play for a while, this would be it. Even without the Killzone gun peripheral, the Move controls are excellent. I played the game about 50/50 with the Move and regular controller and enjoyed it both ways. I had best results setting dead zone and sensitivity to zero (I know that doesn't make any sense) and turn speed to 60-70. I left the auto aim feature off because I didn't understand how it worked and didn't need it.

But controls mean nothing if the game itself is shitty. Fortunately this is not the case. This is everything that the first 2 games should have been. The graphics are gorgeous. Sometimes I would just stand there, trying to take it all in. For a game that mostly takes place in a shelled out city, this game is so beautiful I was moved to tears (Metaphorically speaking). The guns all have a hefty feel to them, and navigating the levels is easier than ever.

They also try to mix up the gameplay with some stealth sections, vehicles and rail shooting. For the most part it works very well. I never got bored or felt like I was just trudging along. At the same time many of the environments are open enough that you don't feel like you are in a minecart ride just traveling down the rails, like in Call of Duty. But because many of the weapons and enemies are the same, if you played a lot of KZ 2 you will probably experience some deja vu. I know I was starting to by the end.

The only thing that has gotten worse since the last game is the story. I mean, it was shitty in KZ 2, don't get me wrong. But for the most part you could ignore it. Well in this game there's a cutscene every 3 minutes, no joke. What is a joke is the writing in this game. It's so awful it's just laughable. I sure hope you like to hear "JAMMER GET TO MY POSITION!!" and "LET'S KILL THE ISA!!!" because you are going to hear them 50 billion fucking times.

That's the real shame here. With a decent story, this game could have been really excellent. It's beautiful to look at, fun to play, and has enough meat on it between the single and multiplayer to keep you busy for a long time. With all the other ingredients in place, I think with good writing Killzone 3 could have become the vaunted "Halo killer" the original was supposed to be. If you can turn your brain off for a while, or if you thought Modern Warfare 2 was the pinnacle of modern story-telling, you will love this game.

Gemini Rue - A Great Indie Game

Like any big old nerd who owned a PC the 90s, I have an irrational love for Lucasarts and Sierra adventure games. So needless to say, Gemini Rue by Wadjet Eye Games had my name written all over it. Basically it's an old school point-and-click adventure that takes place in a sort of cyber-punk noire universe. It reminds me a lot of Blade Runner actually. Just check out this sweet trailer.

I bought it last night, and played for about a half hour. So far it's really good. The voice acting is a little corny in places, but this is an indie production. For $15 it's well worth buying if you like this kind of games. There's even a demo here so you can try it first.

Games That Need Sequels

With all the lackluster sequels being turned out these days, what's even more baffling is the list of games that haven't gotten a sequel. Here's a short list of 4 that we would love to see.


Guitar Hero - I will never forget the first time I held that tiny plastic guitar in my hands. I finally knew what it was like to be a true rockstar. No more looking like an idiot strumming that tennis racket. This was the real deal.

If Harmonix gets on the ball and makes a sequel I can really see this taking off. The potential for these "rhythm games" as I call them is endless. If they can do it with a guitar, they could make all kinds of plastic instruments...Flute, clarinet, oboe, and dare I say it.....Saxophone Hero. Fuck yes.


Medal of Honor - I know what you're all thinking. Why do we need a sequel to Medal of Honor when we have Call of Duty? Honestly, I can't really answer that. I just think it would be very cool to play a Medal of Honor game that visits some different fronts of World War 2. Imagine one that takes place in the Pacific and has you fighting the Japanese! Or how about Stalingrad?? Someone better be writing this down.


Grand Theft Auto - This was the first free-roaming sandbox shooting game I've ever played. It's so incredibly innovative, I can't believe nobody has tried to rip it off yet. You can pick up hookers, have sex with hookers, and kill hookers...in any order you please. I hope if they do make a sequel that they add a little more variety though. Maybe like robot hookers or something.


Every Nintendo Franchise - Let me just say that I love Nintendo. Their games are always so fun and innovative. Games like Metroid, Super Mario Bros, and The Legend of Zelda are some of my favorites. So I think it's about darn time they made sequels to all of these games! What are you waiting for Nintendo, do you hate money?!? I want to see more of these characters and their stories. What happens after Mario rescues the princess? Maybe Samus could look for more metroids on another planet? What if Ganon isn't really dead? So many possibilities!

I even had another idea for a game. I had this crazy dream where the characters just chill out together between games and play racquetball or go go-karting. No wait, that actually sounds kind of retarded. Forget I said anything.

Farewell Mygamercard.net

As you might have noticed, our gamer cards in the corner of the site no longer display anything. That's because the host site has finally been shut down. I'm really sad to see it go because it was a very useful service.

It's frustrating to read that one of the main reasons for the shut-down was lack of support from the Xbox Community Developer Program. This guy obviously put a lot of work into setting up the service that everyone could use for free, and Microsoft couldn't be bothered to throw him a bone. I'll be surprised if they don't come out with a (likely inferior) version of their own to replace it.

Upgraded My PS3 Hard Drive

Recently I finally decided to go for a new hard drive, and I figured I'd post a little about it for anyone else who is looking for a little more storage capacity on their PS3.

The first thing I will say is that it is an incredibly painless process. I really have to give credit to Sony for this. I didn't have to take my console apart, or buy and special Sony branded overpriced shit. No transfer cables or content reactivation. Everything should be this simple.

I ordered a 2.5" SATA 500GB laptop hard drive off futureshop.ca for $60. When it finally came, all I had to do was use the backup utility to make a copy of all my save games and PSN titles on my USB hard drive. Then I turned the console over and took out a single screw. After sliding the hard drive's little enclosure out I undid 4 more screws and installed the new one in it's place. Then I booted up the console and ran the restore process. It took about half an hour to run, so I went and had lunch. Then when I came back everything was good to go.

Overall this was a great upgrade, and at 60 bucks it was very reasonably priced. Sure as hell beats paying $170 for a 250GB Xbox 360 Hard drive. Now that Sony's 3.56 firmware fuck-up that bricked consoles with upgraded hard drives has supposedly been fixed, this is an easy upgrade that I would recommend for anyone looking to get a bit more out of their PS3.

WTF Japan? - Hyperdimension Neptunia

Konichiwa, kiddos! (That's japanese for What up?) It's time for another round of your favorite thing in the known universe, WTF Japan! We've got a real gem of a turd for you guys this week, a highly anticipated (Ok not really) JRPG exclusive to the PS3....Hyperdimension Neptunia (AKA a bunch of gibberish)!

In case you don't feel like clicking on that link (And who could blame you), this is a game that's supposed to be a parody of the current generation console wars, casting the Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, and the ill-begotten Sega Neptune (Yes, really) as super powered anime girls. You excited yet? You better fucking believe I am! I mean, what a novel idea. Now you fanboys can literally jerk off to your favorite console without feeling bad about it! (You probably should still feel bad though). And because I love you guys (And loathe myself), I sat down and actually played this....thing for a while.

When you start a new game, you're treated to a little intro where a book explains some crap to you. Then you get to watch the console...girl...abomination things yap at each other for a while. I cannot express in words how fucking painful this was so instead I will make a guttural sound.... NUUUUUUAAARGHHHH. The voices are piercing and shrill, with dialog so awful it had me mashing the skip button like it was a god damned quick time event. Also breast comparisons and the 'Wii' swearing like a sailor in the first 2 minutes. Can this game get worse? The gauntlet has been cast!

Next you get to your character (Who is a young girl, we are talking like 12 here) waking up and a super awkward cutscene of another girl on top of her 'bandaging' her chest....And the gauntlet has been picked up! Overall this game just gives me a really creepy vibe. Like my PS3 has uploaded me to some FBI watch list and Chris Hansen is going to pop out of my closet tonight like the Boogeyman in that Ghostbusters episode. I guess that is the point of the game, or something. There are young girls who transform into adults with rude titties...I don't know. I guess it is some kind of metaphor? Anyway thinking about this makes me want to drink bleach, so let's move onto the gameplay.

Now we get to the cherry on top of this shit sunday. Basically, imagine the worst JRPG you played on the PS2, now punch yourself in the nuts. That's about what it's like. The graphics and animation are absolutely terrible. The dungeons are basically corridors with nothing but a few chests in them. The combat is very basic. You stand there, trading attacks with your enemies ad nauseum. There is a sort of combo system in place, but it only elevates it above the level of 'completely intolerable'. You can't even use healing items yourself. You need to set an 'Item Skill' that will make them use it when they hit a certain health percentage. Only they won't always, which is retarded.

I soldiered on through the first two dungeons, but that is as far as my brain would let me go. Nothing else really noteworthy even happened. The most offensive thing about this game is that it is just boring as hell. I'm sure some nerds will suffer through it in hopes of seeing naked animes or something. I can't think of any other reason anyone would want to play it. I'm going to close this one by quoting a great man.

Most Hosed Up Video Game Commercial?

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